Where Are You Sitting This Week?

Every Friday in New York’s Dinner Party newsletter, senior writer Tirhakah Love lays out a seating chart for the week’s main characters and asks us all to think: where would you sit?

Let’s get into these couples, because what do you think about the third wheel of their dating stragglers? Bradley Cooper and Huma (WHOma!?) Abedin are Anna Wintour’s most recent project, as the fashion icon played Cupid for these two seemingly very different characters. But, at least according to “Page Six,” they both share an interest in “power, politics, and human affairs.” And yes, Huma was a political staffer, but I’d like to know a single human case that interests Coops.

Speaking of human affairs, can you imagine the look of HR when Armie Hammer walked into the Cayman Islands timeshare office looking for a gig? Granted, he’s a frequent guest there, but also wow, why does Armie need that job? I guess he and Pops disagree because this disgrace, even for someone who’s been accused of cannibalism, is pretty drastic. (Anyway, he may have already fled to Los Angeles)

I still think I’d rather tie their situation to Lana Del Rey and Jack Donoghue’s crunchy mating, which they announced by dropping their reveal photo outside a jail(?). Like who knows what they were actually doing there. LDR has dated a cop before, so maybe she just got into the habit of having picnics outside the county. They probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable at a fancy party like this. I can’t even imagine the smells coming off this side of Table 2.

Table 3 really confused me. The way Kehlani graciously handled Christian Walker’s crazy ass in the Starbucks drive-thru earlier this week was truly Emotional Maturity Goals™. They say their therapist was on the phone while Walker was approaching them, and all I have to say is give this person a raise because it’s working. This troubled young man would have grabbed a car door at the solar plexus if I had been in the same situation. Adding a resplendent Quinta Brunson to the mix following its Emmy nominations for Abbott Elementary School is just… wow, almost extremely healthy and good? But of course we have to mention the Don. Considering Olivia Nuzzi already spoke to him earlier this week, I can’t say it would be totally impossible to get a meal and a drink, I guess? Especially flanked by two of celebrity’s most entrenched personalities. But damn, that’s a big ask. A black woman’s job is never done, it seems, and I don’t know if I can place that burden on them.

Finally, we have Table 4, which is probably the most confusing table because I’m fairly certain that if I’m sitting next to John Bolton, I’d be arrested about three minutes later for aggravated assault. This man spoke on national television about the difficulty of planning a coup. And of course, he would know since he had so many planned. Meanwhile, Jake Tapper was nodding his head like, Ahh yes, you would have great insight on this, I’ll leave that completely undisputed. Broadcast journalism, like this country, is hovering around the damn leak.

Anyway, Beyoncé is on TikTok now, and I don’t know what to make of it, except I’m so sorry for her social media manager. And Cardi B just released a video for her new song featuring Ye and Lil Durk. The song is good, and luckily it’s Ye BLA bla the verse is the last so it is extremely jumpable. With all of that said, maybe I should roll with Table 3. I’ll let Trump mumble about his 2024 campaign while the singer and storyteller goof off.

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